pi lih

di depan klenteng bergenteng naga itu pilihannya selalu sama, sayap yang utuh, atau dada yang disuwir-suwir seperti berita

tentang ibumu yang menolak meninggalkan rumah dan kakakmu yang datang dengan pedang di hatinya.

tapi waktu kalian bercakap, semua itu tak ada, hanya nostalgia tentang Kota Tua, bistik Belanda, dan mrica berwantek merah muda

menyewa video Megaloman, Beta, dari bapak-bapak rental keliling yang menenteng tas tenis tua, merek Head. Yang mencatat tanggal di sobekan karton

pembungkus Buavita. Cinta diberikan dan kita memberikan cinta, kalimat itu muncul tiba-tiba, dari bau jelantah dan nasi basah yang menyelip di rusuk-rusuk tikar

katakan itu pada Gaban! seringaimu pada malam yang kisut, lampu-lampu rem yang mengerut

kau belum juga berubah! sergahnya, mulutmu masih menyembunyikan tikus-tikus kecil bergigi runcing, rambutmu masih tegak tersapu angin, bibirmu masih seperti Mimin.

sudahlah kak, kita di sini bukan lagi untuk memperdebatkan siapa yang paling cantik, Laura atau Mary, atau siapa yang paling baik di mata Pa

atau iya? aku benci malam ini tidak ke mana-mana. kalau bisa aku ingin tahu serigala macam apa yang bersembunyi di prairie hatimu. dan ibu.

dan dia hanya tersedak, dan gelas nasgitel terbang bersama ujung jarinya. kelihatannya, dan dalam hati kau tahu itu, hidup sudah berlaku lebih kejam padanya.

mungkin lebih baik aku datang ke rumah saat orang-orang sibuk siesta dan kalian tak ada di dalamnya. aku meninggalkan notes di bawah jok sepeda seperti biasa

kak, bu, adik mampir untuk minum, sekarang hari selasa kliwon, pukul dua. mungkin itu akan lebih meninggalkan harapan.

dik, akhirnya dia berkata, di kota ini gerimis hanya asam, kuda tak berhenti di tengah hutan, dalam satu siang, bisa saja kami berada di empat tempat bersamaan.

untuk apa bicara tentang kemungkinan, sementara malam pun belum genap, dan masa lalu masih begitu mengerikan?

di pasar, adikku, orang-orang masih berbenah, dan di kafe itu, mereka masih menyilangkan siku. untuk apa membayar bon yang belum jatuh waktu?

entahlah, kata-katamu selalu terdengar seperti pepatah. aku hanya ingin cerita yang lain, hati yang utuh, ketel yang tak pernah dingin.

sambil membenarkan dudukmu, kau mengarahkan pandang ke matanya yang keruh seperti kelereng taruhan, kaosnya yang kedodoran.

hanya yang dari tadi diam saja bisa melihat, urat-urat di punggung tanganmu mengeras, seperti sungut-sungut naga di bawah bulan di atas.

life in pastiche, its fantastisch ! #1


DONALD 
BARTHELME

ONE
STORY

MS D NAKOVA’s milk-white Russian cheek blushed red broken maps of Australia everytime she took me to bed. The sandstone walls of her basement apartment coughed up dust and the red flush moved to the tip of her hooked nose, transported by the IGA brand tissues she wiped her allergy-borne mucus with. She read until she fell asleep, or until her nose ran two unstoppable lines of salty water and then she could not stand it anymore. She would turn off the naked bulb of her reading lamp, blow her nose in a final, violent hmmmpf! and put on her silk SARS mask to go to bed.

MS D NAKOVA liked my stories; she would wake up at six, listen to the trap-trap-ing of horses and carts training for the afternoon races at the hard sand track next to her house and then she would read some more. She liked Conversations With Goethe and The Genius, my sillier stories, because they made her laugh and forget about her runny nose. But after three days she decided a funny man would not make her happy.

On the night of the third day MS D NAKOVA came home at two o’clock, giggling and smelling of sweet vodka drink. She introduced me to MR M JOHANI, a brown man with a foot-high Elvis quiff on his square head. He said it was really a Morrissey hair and told MS D NAKOVA that he too had read, and liked, Conversations With Goethe. He said this after running his eyes quickly up and down my Contents page when MS D NAKOVA went to the bathroom and he saw the faint Nike swoosh of pencil tick next to the title. MS D NAKOVA was pleased; she told MR M JOHANI how she liked boys who read and how cute he was with his Morrissey quiff and do you want to go to bed now.

In the morning MS D NAKOVA made weak white tea for herself and strong black tea with no sugar for her new lover. They sat in bed under the naked bulb and drank from MS D NAKOVA’s mismatched Target teacups. They read Conversations With Goethe together, he making up bad German accent for the direct quotes and she covering her nose and mouth with the fluffy edge of her Bonds pillow when she laughed. “You’re funny,” she said.

I knew by the morning’s end MS D NAKOVA would no longer want me in the house. That was five hours ago. Now I am standing with my back to to the world and MS D NAKOVA’s Adult Self-Check Receipt hidden inside the accidental pocket of my front sleeve. It says DUE DATE: 05/03/2001 in red ink. The electronic calendar on the wall says 5 MAR in big black letters. She had never done this before. I was returned on time.

Capoeira logic

i don’t like these people.

they believe in astrology.

they don’t think capoeira is annoying.

they think just because you talk to a girl for longer than five minutes that means you want to sleep with her.

they smoke too much pot and play xbox all day and call it fun.

too much means everyday afterwork.

so they work like zombies and relax like zombies.

for some reason i love them.

but it’s a reason i can’t fathom.

i have no clue why.

when i was away from them i used to think it was their dumbness that attracted me.

because i am dumb too.

but sometimes i am not dumb.

or precisely, i think they’re too dumb, sometimes, when i talk to them.

then i think: i don’t need all this dumbness.

i get afraid i’ll become as dumb as them.

that’s one thing, another thing is i just don’t like talking to dumb people.

about astrology.

having to prove why capoeira is totally annoying.

having to face fact-based arguments like that capoeira is martial arts.

who the fuck cares?

it is annoying.

that’s what i feel.

and what a lot of other people feel too.

and what i feel and what other people feel add up to a fact.

a truth.

but i don’t care.

i feel it so that’s true. at least to me.

but one person believing in something is never enough.

it’s like jesus would never have made it here.

he would’ve been told: yes, but the fact is that these temple sacrifices give people a lot of comfort.

but jesus didn’t even give a shit about the sacrifice.

he would’ve brought a baby sheep to the altars himself, if it would give him some peace of mind.

but it didn’t, so he didn’t.

but he never told those guys to attack the coin-changers.

he never told anyone to feel anything, or to think a certain way.

he just wanted anyone, someone, to listen to him. to his story. the world according to him. not according to what someone’s parents, or the elders, or whoever he has been listening to all his life, tell him.

he didn’t give a shit about truth-claim.

i don’t.

i was at a table full of people who would not relate to my history.

so i kept silent.

but that was fine. totally.

until i did say something and someone told me that i was wrong just because what i said was wrong. according to her.

but i was just telling her how i feel. not the fact corresponding to the word ‘capoeira’.

no truth claim.

no pretension to knowledge of any kind.

sure, capoeira might very well be martial arts.

i am an ignorant man, so i could very well be wrong when i said, “what the fuck is it anyway, even i can jump around the beach pretending to kick air into submission.”

but it’s just like karate!

i think, or so i thought, even someone who does not have a clear conception of irony and sarcasm would’ve worked out that i wasn’t really asking anyone to define capoeira for me.

she didn’t.

i don’t think she’s dumb.

but even she can’t help telling me that what i felt was wrong because she had read somewhere once that capoeira was really martial arts.

if a = capoeira
   b  = martial arts
   c = feeling good about the world
then since a = b, not c must not follow.

i don’t know how when what i object to is a, i can be criticised for my feelings, not c, because a = b.

i don’t care what a is. i only care about how a makes me feel.

but here you can replace a and b with anything and as long as a = b then no one will ever allow you to have not c.

= = the only truth that matters.

perhaps, = = the only truth.

because = = the only thing that matters, whether a thing is true or not.

and if =, then c.

= is sufficient whereas i don’t even think it’s necessary.

i am not happy with the above formulation.

it feels like i’m neglecting to talk about belief. perhaps deliberately.

to move from = to c you need belief.

it’s easier to convince them that a does not = b. you just have to show them a scientific paper, or maybe you don’t need that much, maybe a copy of newsweek.

then they will happily go not c.

i was going to say that they will happily change their belief, go from belief to non-belief, as soon as they find out that what they believe to be true was false.

but i see now that it’s a matter of losing their belief that you can move from = to c. it’s a loss of faith in the world.

you believe that you can go from = to c but as soon as someone comes along and proves that something is doubtful about the state of = you suddenly feel the moral obligation not to like a, since a doesn’t = b anymore and therefore you can’t feel good about a anymore. in your world there is no other reason to feel c except when = holds.

belief is a delicate issue.

L=A+N-G+UxA:G=E

when it rains it’s the same everywhere.

the loud bullets of raindrops on my shoulder as i get out of the centre culturel :

the mango tree nods its wide leaves and lets the rain water bend its back like a swimmer on his starting block, then fall, to the steaming earth.

the earth, you, you sweat like rugby players in winter.

the earth, now you’re giving me the same diction as you did a year ago :

when on a black young night you fixed the stars to light a path for me, down a slippery hill, and then up, up, up.

the round pimples of my camper soles held on tight to the rough shiny sharpness of the asphalt, and i thought, yes, now i can make sense of the world !

it gives nothing to us directly, its hands have been tied behind its back since prometheus used them to steal—you know what he stole !

and we have been born since with our livers outside.

but on a night like this you, earth, shrug your shoulders and let man have his way again.

on a night like this i see new blood patterns on the old marble floors, the leaking of god’s grand design in the simple square of man’s genius.

do people still say bonsoir at the cote d’ivoire ?

what about that diction you just gave me ?

oh, it’s no longer useful to me, as useless as the feathered races and sylvan scenes and fleecy cares of the augustans.

no, i must rebuild my diction from less than scratch.

how, i mean how can you build a javanese dramatic monologue with english as its bricks ?

it is like using straight bricks to make a curve on an art deco balcony :

the edges will stick out and cut you, its own impatient, deluded creator.

thai whores speak in broken english, but their voice stays intact.

no, no, no, this is what i do, paint the white black with words.

i must find a way.

would people believe me if i just make out that everyone speaks english here, broken and unbroken ?

it’s possible. people do.

then, if i write the dialogues as though the people were othello, desdemona, lady m., then i won’t have the problem of translation !

everyone will speak in his native tongue !

i thought about the tall plastic cups of strawberrypinkness, which i imagined as lassi, but didn’t do anything about it when i saw the mas-mas reel in the sambal bowls with the soft hook of his index finger.

i liked the girl in the lime green shirt. like me, she sat one university chair apart from the rest.

the way she said, “for example”, as if there was no better way to express herself.

(that’s it, see, she did speak english! there is no need to think what if she really was just translating her thought into english.)

the messy sweatiness of her fringe, the square of her javanese jaw (i realized at 8.57 pm she really looked like shanty).

i liked her promise of ordinariness.

it is hard to fill up even a page, it feels empty even when i’ve covered it with single spaced arial 11s.

i am tired, though i know i should never stop working just because i’m tired.

becak drivers are tired.

pemulungs are tired.

the wagon-draggers are tired.

i am not.

tiredness is not relative.

hunger, scribner death in the afternoon, golding metamorphoses, ferry ars poetica, memoirs of hadrian.

when can i stop hoarding book  and start reading them ?

perhaps when i’ve got no more money to buy one.

today i realized too that they’ll refuse to say your name if the words have never before been rat-tat-tapping on the rooftops of their mouths.

they’ll say michael, because it’s easier.

some things, i guess, will always be different.

Tentu aku ingin menulis entah bagaimana tapi tentu aku tahu sebenarnya kenapa

—terdampar lagi di kamar ini
wallpaper motif trellis
mengelupas di sana sini
dua lampu sorot
tepat di atas kepala
lubang angin berbentuk hati
layang layang tanpa ekor
di langit sana

—langit di sini selalu biru
Pantone 292

—bukan misteri juga
sebenarnya seandainya
aku bisa mencegah menciumnya
di pojok bar gelap
dan seminggu kemudian
bilang ya saja
waktu dia menuntut
kita tidak bisa begini terus
    kan gila

—tapi memang
sekali layang layang putus tali
tak ada yang mau benar benar tahu
siapa kini menaikkannya kembali

—mungkin juga tinggal rangka
gering di pucuk angsana

          —kejar mengejar ada mangsanya
             sekarang telah tiba
             musim instan
             benang telah digelas
             layang layang berekor
             bertelinga

—kalau hidup bisa seperti berburu
bukit hijau padang savanna
Afrika Sumbawa

    —berhenti
       (begitu saja)
       peluru menembus kepala
       atau hati ?

                —belajarlah anatomi !

—semua hanya khayal semata
dan kata orang
32 waktunya beranjak dewasa

    —aku pun sadar itu

       —ada saatnya
          turunkan ayunan
          menggantung dasi
          sebagai gantinya

—mana mungkin ada
hidup tanpa autopsi
hanya penyembelihan
diikuti makan pesta pora
di depan api unggun
tangan tangan merah hitam
diusapkan ke celana

    —tidak!
       hidup penuh post-mortem
       segalanya
       perhitungan gono gini
       siapa yang membayar liburan ke Bali
       siapa yang waktu itu ragu ragu pergi
       cinta siapa yang lebih sejati ?

—baik kau biasakan
aku biasakan
naik banding
ke Mahkamah Percintaan
dengan kau sebagai
Hakim Ketua
Hakim I
Hakim II
Jaksa
Pembela

    —aku sekedar pesakitan
       di kursi berpunggung rotan

           —di laporan koran esok hari
          hanya foto punggungku yang diedarkan

    —penjahat memang harus dihindari
   
           —takut menular !

—Dewan Hakim Yang Mulia
ampunilah aku
karena aku tak tahu pun
apa yang telah kulakukan
aku tahu ini bukan alasan
apalagi alibi yang tak bisa dibantahkan
aku hanya menuntut
belas kasihan-Mu
karena aku manusia
tak tahu malu

    —seandainya hidup
       sesentimentil bayanganku !

—sekarang, ingat ingat ini,
catat kalau bisa
di blocnoot murahan pun tak apa
asal ‘kwaliteit baik’ :
kau sedang duduk duduk di Popi’s
kedai kecil di Gondangdia Lama
menonton kereta Bogor
melintasi bulan
lengan lengan
menggantung keluar
dari pintunya
dan hidup rasanya
seperti inilah seharusnya
selamanya

—masukkan Selected Poems
Williams-mu ke dalam tas
tak usah kunci tutupnya
ini kan hanya simbolik saja
toh kau sudah hapal
di luar kepala
The Widow’s Lament in Springtime
atau apapun dari
Journey to Love
(bukankah manis
epigrafnya:
For My Wife
—’the whole process is a lie’ !—
this whole poem

(—unless, paling tidak di kota ini
kau selalu kembali ke rumah
walau kau juga yang merusaknya)

dua tahun yang lalu hampir setiap sore aku menunggumu di situ, sekarang hampir setiap malam, lebih sering lagi pagi pagi buta, aku melewati tempat itu, memandangnya dari dalam taksi yang terlalu dingin, dan aku berpikir, betapa bahagianya aku waktu itu

<div style="text-align: right;
“><span style="font-style: italic;
“>
Il n’y a pas d’absence remplaçable.
— pas René Char

Gerimis turun

Ketak ketik

Mesin tik

Dingin di dahi

Orang orang lari

Ayun semua

Map

Tas

Koran pagi tadi

Ke atas kepala

Beri hormat !

Pada awan

Menakutkan

Hanya aku

Tidak.

Diam saja.

Aku tidak takut

Pada hujan !

Sebentar lagi

Kau turun

Payungi hatiku.

ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙uʍop pɐǝɥ ɹǝɥ sdǝǝʞ ǝɥs ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙suoıʇɐsɹǝʌuoɔ ɟo sǝıɹǝs ɐ ʇsnɾ sı ǝɟıl ‘ʇı sı sıɥʇ sdɐɥɹǝd ‘ǝɟıl ɯoɹɟ ʇuɐʍ ǝʍ ǝlʇʇıl ʍoɥ ‘ƃuıʞuıɥʇ pǝʇɹɐʇs ı ‘ƃuıʞlɐʇ doʇs ʇupıp ǝʍ ǝɹoɯ ǝɥʇ ‘pǝʞlɐʇ ǝʍ ǝɹoɯ ǝɥʇ puɐ ‘pǝʞlɐʇ puɐ pǝʞlɐʇ puɐ pǝʞlɐʇ ǝʍ uǝɥʍ ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

  ˙plɹoʍ ǝɥʇ uı op oʇ ƃuıɥʇ snoɹnʇɹoʇ ʇsoɯ ǝɥʇ puɐ ǝlqɐʎoɾuǝ ʇsoɯ ǝɥʇ ʎlsnoǝuɐʇlnɯıs sɐʍ ʇı ɟı sɐ ǝʇʇǝɹɐƃıɔ ǝɥʇ uo sʞɔns ǝɥs ‘ǝƃunol ƃuıʞoɯs ǝɥʇ uı uoouɹǝʇɟɐ ǝʇɐl ʇɐɥʇ pıp ǝɥs sɐ sʇıls oʇuı sǝʎǝ ɹǝɥ ƃuısolɔ puɐ sdıl ɹǝɥ oʇ dn ‘ƃuıʎɐld sǝɥs ǝlıɥʍ ʇıl ƃuıdǝǝʞ uǝǝq sǝɥs ‘ǝsɹnoɔ ɟo ɐɥʇuǝɯ ɐʇıɹǝddǝd ‘ǝʇʇǝɹɐƃıɔ ɹǝɥ ƃuıɹq oʇ ‘ǝɯ ǝʞıl ʇsnɾ sʞool oɥʍ ʎnƃ ɐ ‘pʍoɹɔ ǝɥʇ ɯoɹɟ ǝuoǝɯos sʇǝƃ ǝɥs ǝǝɹɟ sɐʍ puɐɥ ʇɟǝl ɹǝɥ ɥƃnoɥʇ ‘llıʇs ʇnq ‘(ʞɔıd ɐ ǝsn ʇusǝop ǝɥs) qɯnɥʇ ʇɥƃıɹ ɹǝɥ ɥʇıʍ ƃuıɹʇs-#ɐ ǝsool ǝɥʇ sʞɔnld puɐ ʇǝɹɟ sɹɐʇınƃ ssɐq ɹǝɥ ɟo oƃ sʇǝl ǝɥs llıɥ lǝdɐɥɔ ɟo ǝlppıɯ ǝɥʇ uı ʇıq uʍopʞɐǝɹq ʇnoƃıʍ ǝɥʇ ƃuıɹnp puɐ ‘ǝƃunol ƃuıʞoɯs ʇɐɥʇ uı ɹǝɥ ʍɐs ı ʎɐp ǝɥʇ ƃuıɹɐǝʍ sɐʍ ǝɥs sǝɥʇolɔ ǝɯɐs ǝɥʇ ʎlʇɔɐxǝ sɹɐǝʍ ǝɥs ‘puɐq ɹǝʌoɔ ɥʇnoʎ ɔıuos ʎɯ ‘ɥʇnos ɔıuoʎ uı sʎɐld ǝɥs uǝɥʍ ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

 ˙pǝɹɐɔs sʞool ʇsnɾ ǝɥs ¡ıɥ ʎɐs ı uǝɥʍ ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙ɹǝǝuıƃuǝ lɐıɹʇspuı puɐ sǝɥs ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙ʇɐɟ ʎllɐnʇɔɐ ǝɹǝʍ sǝoʇ ɹǝɥ ʎʇıɔ ǝɥʇ uı ǝɹǝɥʍʎɹǝʌǝ ƃuıuıɐɹ sɐʍ ʇı ʎɐp ʇɐɥʇ ǝsnɐɔǝq ssɐlɔ uı sǝoɥs ɹǝɥ ɟɟo ʞooʇ ʎllɐuıɟ ǝɥs uǝɥʍ ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙ssɐlɔ uı sʇɥƃıɹ sɹǝʞɹoʍ pǝssnɔsıp ǝʍ uǝɥʍ ’ǝɯoɥ ʇɐ pooɟ ɯǝɥʇ ǝʌıƃ ǝʍ ʇnq‘ ǝʞıl sƃuıɥʇ sʎɐs ǝɥs ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙uǝʇʇıɹʍ-llǝʍ ʎlıɹɐssǝɔǝuun sɐʍ pɐ ǝɥʇ puɐ ʎǝlǝʞɹǝq ʇɐ ƃuıʇɐɔɐʌ uoos sɐʍ ǝɥs ɯooɹ ɐ ɹoɟ ʇuǝɯǝsıʇɹǝʌpɐ uɐ sɐʍ ʇoƃ ı llɐ ǝɯɐu ɹǝɥ pǝlƃooƃ ʇsɹıɟ ı uǝɥʍ ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙ʍou sı ǝɥs uɐɥʇ ɹǝʞɹɐp sǝpɐɥs oʍʇ ʇsɐǝl ʇɐ pǝʞool ǝɥs puɐ ʎǝlǝʞɹǝq ɔn ʇɐ pǝıpnʇs ǝɥs uǝɥʍ ɹǝɥ ɟo oʇoɥd ɐ sɐʍ ǝɹǝɥʇ puɐ ǝɯɐu ɹǝɥ pǝlƃooƃ ı ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙solnododɐʇsɐɹ ǝʞıl sʞool ǝɥs ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙ǝɹodɐƃuıs uı ʇıqıɥxǝ dnoɹƃ ɐ pɐɥ ǝɔuo puɐ ʇsıʇɹɐ uɐ sǝɥs ǝɯ sllǝʇ ǝɥs puɐ ǝɯɐu lɐuoıʇıpɐɹʇ ɐ ɥɔns ʇoƃ sǝɥs ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙plɹoʍ ǝɥʇ uo puɐ ɟlǝsɹǝɥ uo pɹɐɥ sǝɥs ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙ǝƃǝlloɔ oʇ ʇuǝʍ ǝɥs ǝɹǝɥʍ ʎɐs ɐuuɐʍ ʎllɐǝɹ ʇusǝop ǝɥs ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙ǝuoƃ ǝɹɐ ʎǝɥʇ ˙ǝuoƃ pɐɥ sʇıʇ ɹǝɥ ʎdooɹp ʍoɥ ƃuıɹɐɔ sdoʇs ǝɥs sɹɐǝʎ ǝǝɹɥʇ uɐɥʇ ssǝl uı spıʞ oʍʇ ɹǝʇɟɐ ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙ʎʇʇǝɹd puɐ uɐɯɹǝƃ ʎɹǝʌ pǝʞool ǝɥs ‘ʇuɐuƃǝɹd ʎlıʌɐǝɥ ‘dn-ǝʞɐɯ ou ‘ǝsnoɥ ɹıǝɥʇ ʇɐ ɹǝɥ ʍɐs ı uǝɥʍ ʎɐp ʇxǝu ǝɥʇ ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙llɐɯs ǝɹǝʍ sʇıʇ ɹǝɥ ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙sǝlnɹ ǝɥʇ llɐ ƃuıʞɐǝɹq sǝɥs uǝɥʍ sɹǝpɹo ƃuıʍolloɟ ʇsnɾ sǝɥs sʞuıɥʇ ǝɥs ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙ɥƃnoɹ ʎlƃuıɥsɐʍɥsıp ˙ɥƃnoɹ sɐʍ puɐɥ ɹǝɥ puɐ ʎɹɐssǝɔǝu sɐʍ uɐɥʇ ɹǝƃuol puɐɥ ʎɯ plǝɥ ǝɥs ɹǝʌǝɹoɟ sɐʍ ʇɥƃnoɥʇ ǝʍ ʇɐɥʍ ɹoɟ ʇɹɐd oʇ ʇnoqɐ ǝɹǝʍ ǝʍ sɐ puɐɥ ɹǝɥ ʞooɥs ı uǝɥʍ ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙ɥʇıʍ ƃuıʎɐʇs sɐʍ ǝɥs ǝldoǝd ǝɥʇ ɥʇıʍ ooz ǝɥʇ oʇ oƃ oʇ pɐɥ ǝɥs ʎɐp ʇxǝu ǝɥʇ ǝɯ ƃuıllǝʇ ɹɐq ɹǝɥʇouɐ oʇ ǝɯ ɥʇıʍ oƃ oʇ pǝsnɟǝɹ ǝɥs ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙lɐɹnʇɐu os ʇlǝɟ ʇı ˙ʞǝǝɥɔ ǝɥʇ uo ǝɯ pǝssıʞ ǝɥs puɐ punoɹɐ pǝuɹnʇ ı puɐ ɹǝplnoɥs ʎɯ uo ǝɯ pǝddɐʇ ǝɥs ɹǝɥ ǝǝs ʇupıp ı uǝɥʍ ʎɐp ʇxǝu ǝɥʇ ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙sʍɐɹʇs-l ʞɔɐlq oʍʇ ɥʇıʍ ssɐlƃ ǝʞoɔ ɹǝɥ uo ǝɔı ǝɥʇ ƃuıqqɐʇs sdǝǝʞ ǝɥs ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙ǝƃǝlloɔ suıʇɹɐɯ ˙ʇs ʇɐ uƃısǝp uoıɥsɐɟ pǝıpnʇs ǝɥs ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙ɥsılƃuǝ sı ǝɥs ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙ɥsıuɐp sı ǝɥs ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙ɥsıuɐp sʞool ǝɥs ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙ǝıʇsıɹɥɔ ɐɥʇɐƃɐ ƃuıpɐǝɹ ɹǝɥ ǝǝs plnoɔ ǝuo ou os ɥsnq ɐ puıɥǝq ɥɔuǝq uǝǝɹƃ ɐ uo ǝɯ ɹoɟ ƃuıʇıɐʍ ʎpɐǝɹlɐ sɐʍ ǝɥs uoouɹǝʇɟɐ ʇɐɥʇ ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙sǝlʞɔǝɹɟ ǝʞıl ǝɔɐɟ ɹǝɥ uo ɯoolq sǝɹǝʍolɟ ʎuuns sʇı puɐ ɥɔɐǝq ǝɥʇ oʇ oƃ ǝʍ uǝɥʍ ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙plɹoʍ ǝɥʇ uı lɹıƃ ʇsǝıʇʇǝɹd ǝɥʇ sǝɥs ʞuıɥʇ ı ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙plɹoʍ ǝɥʇ uı lɹıƃ ʇsǝıʇʇǝɹd ǝɥʇ sǝɥs ʞuıɥʇ ı ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙plɹoʍ ǝɥʇ uı lɹıƃ ʇsǝıʇʇǝɹd ǝɥʇ sǝɥs ʞuıɥʇ ı ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙plɹoʍ ǝɥʇ uı lɹıƃ ʇsǝıʇʇǝɹd ǝɥʇ sǝɥs ʞuıɥʇ ı ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙ǝɔɐɟ ɹǝɥ ɟɟo ǝɔɐɹʇ ǝʞıl-lɐuɐɔ uooɯ ǝɥʇ qnɹ uǝʌǝ ʇupıp ǝɥs puɐ ɥɔnoɔ uʍoɹq plo ǝɥʇ oʇ uo puɐ ʞǝǝɥɔ ɹǝɥ ʇsɐd doɹp ɹɐǝʇ ǝɥʇ ʇǝl ǝɥs ǝɯıʇpǝq ɹǝɥ ʇsɐd ʎɐʍ puɐ ɯɐ 4 sɐʍ ʇı ǝsnɐɔǝq pǝıɹɔ ǝɥs uǝɥʍ ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙ǝuoǝɯos ǝʞıl sʞool ǝɥs puɐ ǝʞıl sʞool ǝɥs ɹɐʇs ǝıʌoɯ ɥɔıɥʍ ʇno ʞɹoʍ ǝʇınb ɹǝʌǝu uɐɔ ı ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙ʍǝu pǝʞool ʇı puɐ snq ǝɥʇ oʇuı ƃɐq ɐɹɐz plo uɐ pǝıɹɹɐɔ ǝɥs ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙ʇɥƃıu ʇɐɥʇ ǝʞıl pǝʞool ǝɥs ʇɐɥʍ ɹǝqɯǝɯǝɹ uǝʌǝ ʇuop ı ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙puıɯ oʇ ɯǝǝs ʇupıp ǝɥs puɐ sʇɹoɥs ɐɯɐɾɐd ʎʞlıs ʞuıd ɹǝɥ dn sǝɔuɐlƃ lɐǝʇs oʇ ʎlpǝʇɐǝdǝɹ pǝıɹʇ ı ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙ʇɐɥʇ ǝʞıl ʇuǝɯoɯ ɐ ʎnq ʇuɐɔ noʎ ˙ɹǝɥ ʇɐ ʞool oʇ pǝuǝddɐɥ ı ɹoolɟ ǝɥʇ uo ƃuıɥʇǝɯos pɐǝɹ oʇ pǝıɹʇ ǝɥs sɐ qɐqlıɾ ɹǝɥ ɟo ʇno ƃunɥ ǝƃuıɹɟ ɹǝɥ uǝɥʍ ʎɐp ʇɐɥʇ ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙ǝɯ ǝʞıl ‘ʎʇɹılɟ sǝɥs ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙ʞlɐʇ oʇ pooʇs ǝʍ ǝɹǝɥʍ dıɹʇs uɐıɹʇsǝpǝd ǝɥʇ uo ǝuıɯ ʇsuıɐƃɐ pǝqqnɹ ɥɔɐɯoʇs ɹǝɥ puɐ odɐl ɐ ǝpısʇno ɹǝɥ ʇǝɯ ı plıɥɔ ʇsɹıɟ ɹǝɥ ɟo ɥʇɹıq ǝɥʇ ɹǝʇɟɐ sɥʇuoɯ ɹnoɟ ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙ʎpɐǝɹlɐ ‘oʍʇ ɹo ‘pıʞ ɐ pɐɥ sǝɥs ʇɐɥʇ uɐǝɯ ʇɥƃıɯ ʎɯɯnʇ ɹǝɥ uo ʇɐɟ ɟo lloɹ uılǝɥɔıɯ ǝɥʇ ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙ɟɟıɹpıɯ ǝɥʇ punoɹɐ ʇɐɟ pǝʞool ǝɥs ʎɐp ɹǝɥʇo ǝɥʇ pıp ǝɥs oʇoı ɹoɟ pɐ ʇɐɥʇ uı ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙ǝuıɯ uɐɥʇ ɹǝdɹɐɥs sı ǝuılʍɐɾ ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl sʞool ʇı ǝƃɐd ɹǝʇspuǝıɹɟ ɹǝɥ puɐ ǝuızɐƃɐɯ ¡ǝǝɹɟ ɯoɹɟ ǝloʇs ı sɥdɐɹƃoʇoɥd uı ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙ǝɯ sǝʞıl ǝɥs ˙snoʌɹǝu sǝɥs ǝsnɐɔǝq sʇı ǝɹns ɯɐ ı puɐ ʇsɐɟ lɐǝɹ sʞɐǝds ǝɥs ǝɯ oʇ sʞlɐʇ ǝɥs ǝɯıʇʎɹǝʌǝ ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙ǝɹɐɔ ɹǝdoɹd ou ɥʇıʍ ˙sʇooq ǝʞıl sɹǝddıls ʇǝllɐq ɹǝɥ sɹɐǝʍ ǝɥs ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙ǝlʞuɐ ʇɟǝl ɹǝɥ uo ɹɐɔs ƃuol ʇɐɥʇ ɟo ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙pıɐs ǝɥs os ˙llɐ ɹoɟ puɐ ǝɔuo pǝxıɟ ʇı ʇǝƃ oʇ ıdıls uı ɥɔuɐɹq ǝuo ǝɥʇ pɐɥ ʎluo llıʇs ʇı uǝɥʍ ʎƃolɐɥɹǝ oʇ ʎɐʍ ǝɥʇ llɐ ʇuǝʍ ǝɥs puɐ ǝuɔɐ ɥʇıʍ ɯǝlqoɹd ʎɹɐʇıpǝɹǝɥ ɐ sɐɥ ǝɥs ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙ǝsɐɔ ǝɥʇ sʎɐʍlɐ sʇɐɥʇ ˙ɹǝƃƃıq ǝq llıʇs plnoʍ ǝuıɯ sɹǝɥ ǝʌoqɐ puɐɥ ʎɯ ǝɔɐld ı ɟı ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙ǝɹɐɔ oʇ ɯǝǝs ʇusǝop ǝɥs puɐ ʞɔınb ǝɥʇ oʇ ǝʇınb ʇou ʇɹoɥs ʇnɔ slıɐu ɥʇıʍ sɹǝƃuıɟ ǝuılnɔsɐɯ ƃuol sɐɥ ǝɥs ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙ǝuolɐ ǝɹǝɥʇ sɐʍ ǝɥs ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙ƃuıɹɐǝʍ sɐʍ ǝɥs doʇ uoʇʇoɔ uǝǝɹƃ ǝlɐd ǝɥʇ ɹǝpun ‘ɥɔɐɯoʇs ɹǝɥ uo ʇɐɟ ɟo lloɹ uɐɯ uılǝɥɔıɯ ɐ ǝǝs uɐɔ noʎ ǝƃunol ƃuıʞoɯs ǝɥʇ ǝpısʇno spuǝıɹɟ ɹǝɥ oʇ ssɯs ƃuolɹǝʌo ǝʇıɹʍ oʇ pɹɐʍɹoɟ ƃuıuɐǝl ‘sǝǝuʞ ɹǝɥ uo puɐɥ ƃuıʞoɯs ɹǝɥ ɟo ʍoqlǝ ǝɥʇ ɥʇıʍ uʍop sʇıs ǝɥs uǝɥʍ ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙ʎɹoɯǝɯ ʎɯ uı ˙ɹǝʌǝ uɐɥʇ lnɟıʇnɐǝq ǝɹoɯ ʞool ɹǝɥ sǝʞɐɯ uıɥɔ ʞɐǝʍ ɥʇıʍ ǝɔɐɟ slɹıƃ ǝsǝuɐʌɐɾ ʎʇʇǝɹd ɐ ɟo ʇıɐɹʇɹod ʍopɐɥs ɐ sɐʍ ʍɐs ı ʇɐɥʍ puɐ ɹǝɥ spɹɐʍoʇ pǝʞool ı uǝɥʍ ʇuǝɯoɯ ɟǝıɹq ʇɐɥʇ ɟo ʎɹoɯǝɯ ǝɥʇ ʇnq ˙ʇou ɹo uıɥɔ ʞɐǝʍ ɐ pɐɥ ʎllɐǝɹ ǝɥs ɟı ʇno pǝʞɹoʍ ʎllɐǝɹ ɹǝʌǝu ı os ‘ǝuoʎɹǝʌǝ ɹoɟ snoıʌqo ooʇ ǝq plnoʍ ʇı ɹǝɥ ʇɐ ǝɔuɐlƃ ɹǝɥʇouɐ ʞooʇ ı ɟı ʇɐɥʇ pıɐɹɟɐ ooʇ sɐʍ ı ˙sɐısǝlƃı oılnɾ ǝʞıl ‘ǝpıs pooƃ ɹǝɥ ʇou sı ʇɟǝl ǝqʎɐɯ ˙uıɥɔ ʞɐǝʍ ɐ ǝʌɐɥ ʇɥƃıɯ ǝɥs ǝʞıl pǝʞool ʇı puɐ ǝɔɐɟ ɹǝɥ ɟo ǝpıs ʇɟǝl ǝɥʇ ɯoɹɟ ɹǝɥ ʍɐs ı ɐɯǝuıɔ ǝɥʇ ƃuıʌɐǝl ǝɹǝʍ ǝʍ sɐ ɹǝɥ spɹɐʍoʇ pǝʞool ı uǝɥʍ ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙ʎlǝʇǝldɯoɔ ˙llɐʍ ǝɥʇ ɟo ǝpıs ɹǝɥʇo ǝɥʇ uo ɹǝɥ ʇnoqɐ ʇǝƃɹoɟ plnoɔ ı uɐʎɐɾıʍoɹsos uı ɯooɹ ʇɥƃıu ɹǝd ɥɐıdnɹ puɐsnoɥʇ-ʎʇɹoɟ ɹno ɟo ɯooɹɥʇɐq ǝɥʇ uı llɐʍ pǝlıʇ ploɔ ǝɥʇ uo ʞɔɐq ʎɯ pǝʇsǝɹ ı uǝɥʍ ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙ɹǝɥ pǝʌol ı ‘ʇɥƃıu ǝuo ʇɐɥʇ ʇsnɾ sɐʍ ʇı ʞuıɥʇ ı puɐ ‘ʇɥƃıu ʇɐɥʇ ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙spɐǝq ou ǝɹǝʍ ǝɹǝɥʇ ɥƃnoɥʇ sɐ ɯǝɥʇ sɹɐǝʍ ǝɥs ʇnq spɐǝq ɥʇıʍ sƃuoɥʇ sɹɐǝʍ ǝɥs ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙sǝʞoɯs ǝɥs puɐ uɐǝlɔ os sı uıʞs ɹǝɥ ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙ǝɯ ɟo sʞuıɥʇ puɐ sǝʎǝ ɹǝɥ sǝsolɔ ǝɥs ɐɥʇuǝɯ ɐʇıɹǝddǝd ɹǝɥ uo sʞɔns ǝɥs uǝɥʍ ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙ʇɐɥʇ ʇsnɾ ‘ou ‘puɐ sdıl pıoɹƃǝu ɹǝɥ ɟo ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙ʎxǝs sı ‘ʞǝǝɥɔ ʇɟǝl ɹǝɥ uo ‘sdıl ɹǝɥ ǝʌoqɐ ǝloɯ ǝɥʇ ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙ʎuɐ ƃuıʎnq ʇnoɥʇıʍ ʎɐʍɐ sʞlɐʍ puɐ sǝuo lʎuıʌ pǝlos-ʇɐlɟ ʎɟɯoɔ ɹoɟ ƃuısʍoɹq ǝlıɥʍ slɐpuɐs pǝ-oʇʇǝllıʇs ‘pǝoʇ-uǝdo ɟo ɹıɐd ɐ ‘ǝɹǝɥʍʎɹǝʌǝ ǝǝs noʎ suɐǝɾ ɐǝl ‘ʇnɔʇooq ‘ʞɔɐlq sɹɐǝʍ ǝɥs ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙ǝɔuo pǝɹɹıʇs ɹǝʌǝu ǝɥs puɐ ʍǝıʌɹǝʇuı/uoıʇɐsɹǝʌuoɔ ƃuol ɹnoɥ-oʍʇ ɹno ɟo ƃuıuuıƃǝq ǝɥʇ ʇɐ ǝsod ɐɥppnq ƃuıuılɔǝɹ ɐ ʞɔnɹʇs ǝɥs ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙ʞsnp ɟo ɹnoloɔ ǝɥʇ ɹıɐɥ puɐ ǝɔɐɟ ǝɹɐnbs ɐ sɐɥ ǝɥs ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

˙ɹɐǝ ɥɔıɥʍ ɹǝqɯǝɯǝɹ ʇuop ı ˙ɹɐǝ ǝuo ʇsnɾ uı ƃnld oɯǝ uɐ sɹɐǝʍ ǝɥs puɐ ǝʇıɥʍ snoıɔıʌzıl sı uıʞs ɹǝɥ ǝsnɐɔǝq ɹǝɥ ǝʞıl ı

The God of Small Things*

Gratiagusti Chananya Rompas

a Surreal Afternoon. when Sunlight falls like a see-through

shawl—Lipstick and Fuchsia Nail Paints,

my Mother’s. Strawberry Ice Cream. her Tutu. and your Kisses, of course. hot

on my lips, cheeks. Wet, Sweet like Lollipops.

i miss you. it feels like someone is pumping a Birthday Balloon slowly

right next to my heart. i’m trying to paint you a picture, but i can’t: it’s like

Hope is walking down the street, with a limp—i’m torn between Happy

the Balloon is nearly, fully pumped, and Worried what if it explodes before it’s

perfectly, beautifully, a Balloon.

Something is Wrong. as if the world and its

overactive volcanoes can hear your thoughts: in a conspiracy

to work out what’s going to happen to you

next. that makes you helpless, like a Feather

Floating in the wind.

but What Really Gets Under My Skin is knowing that no one,

not even you, can hear the Electrical Storm in my Mind and the endless

chant of the I-Love-You mantra in my Head.

i wonder, do you ever feel like this. i wonder

even, if there’s the tiniest bit of Possibility that you have ever felt

The Same Thing for me. oh i know, i know, all this is just a Cheap

Fantasy.

i give up. i put away the things i Want. i put You away.

i’m locking you out of the Cells

of my Brain.

i turn on the TV.

Breaking News.

outside, the universe is dark. it is Real.

*was first published in Kompas Minggu (let me get back to you on the link), will be in her first collection of poetry, ‘Kota Ini Kembang Api’, out in spring/autumn 2008—it depends on which hemisphere you live in—from irisPUSTAKA

Blogged with the Flock Browser

BengkelKata BungaMatahari: Tuhkan Ada Hal-Hal Yang Belum Selesai!

Start:      May 11, ’08 6:00p
End:      May 11, ’08 9:00p
Location:      Cafe au Lait, Jalan Cikini Raya, Jakarta Pusat

Hai teman-teman!

Sesuai janji surga kami para moderators (sebenarnya saya aja sih yang janji tapi mengatasnamakan banyak orang kan sekarang lagi nge-trend jadi ya sudahlah), hari Minggu, 11 Mei, 2008 yang akan datang, BungaMatahari akan mengadakan Bengkel Kata bertema “Tuhkan Ada Hal-Hal Yang Belum Selesai!” di Cafe au Lait, Cikini, Jakarta Pusat.

Acara ini diadakan untuk memuaskan dahaga hati yang kentang (kena tanggung-istilah anak disko jaman dulu oh yee) sepulang dari diskusi “Menilik Sastra Maya” di Teater Utan Kayu tanggal 12 Maret lalu. Kalau acara di TUK waktu itu lebih memusatkan perhatian kepada ‘sastra maya’ sebagai sebuah wacana, “Tuhkan” diniatkan sebagai ajang bagi-bagi ilmu tentang blogging, stumbling, flocking, facebooking, photo-stealing, poetry-stealing (oh yeaaah Erwin Arianto!), dan segala cara asoygeboy yang tersedia untuk lebih memaksimalkan kehadiran kita sebagai penyair dunia maya.

“Tuhkan Ada Hal-Hal Yang Belum Selesai” akan menghadirkan penulis Eka Kurniawan sebagai pemancing diskusi. Penulis yang cukup geeky bloody nerdy but oh so sexy ini juga akan membagi ilmu tentang cara memaksimalkan tools-tools yang disediakan oleh The Internet bagi kita, para oh-so-cool-cyborgs. Pelaku Kudeta Sastra Anya Rompas dan Mikael Johani juga akan mendampingi Master Eka. Jadi buat kalian yang suka nyolong foto2 Anya dari blog saya, juga buat para MJholics Indonesia, ini kesempatan sempurna untuk melengkapi koleksi dan memenuhi obsesi.

Nothing wrong with a little obsession, eh?

Jadi, siapkan laptop kalian. Pinjam kalau perlu, nyolong kalau punya ekstra nyali. Kami tunggu kedatangan kalian di Cafe au Lait. Jam 6 sore sampai 9 malam!

Peserta acara ini akan mendapat sertifikat P.E.N.Y.A.K.I.T.K.U.S.T.A (Penyair Kecanduan Internet Kudeta Sastra Suka-Suka) yang ditandatangani oleh saya sendiri, serta mendapat kesempatan untuk foto-foto bareng dengan who else but yours truly.


Waraney Herald Rawung

Mnemosyne

i remember you

the center of the universe on a square patch of grass

it was early summer

the grass was the colour of your hair

blond, bits of dark, natural roots

as if you and god decide which strands of hair and grass

should go ahead and shield the rest from the sun

god, thou lazy hephaestos!

you were sitting on a green bench

regulation issue, parks dept.

with one of the cross-bars on its back missing

you were sitting leaning forward

into the sun

when i saw you

from behind the hedge-bush

trimmed immaculately like always in that city of buddhist order

you were wearing:

peasant dress, black with grey almost invisible vines running through the black

imitation rm williams, black

green cotton socks.

i remember your pale pale chicken legs

the copy of carrie fisher’s surrender the pink you weren’t reading

lying abandoned next to you

i remember you

there

white as the sun

clouds of freckles on your pudgy face

the sun brought them there

and me to you

i remember myself

standing there

enjoying the view of you

waiting for me

i enjoy the view of anyone waiting for me!

but especially you!

i wished i could peel the bright blue sky

and show you heaven in all its glory:

nothing compared

to the heaven in me

now!

in nomine patris et filii et spiritus sancti

esorais m’hos ekdika paskho!

i’m happy

i will not let the grass go green

ever again.

let this moment be

the eternal summer

of my happiness.

in loving memory.