where is the madness that you promise me, where is the dream for which ive paid dearly ?*

ive spent too much of my time

telling other peoples tales

this country

the cracks on its

concrete-blown surface

ive bitten too hard

into the mouthpiece

of my bards mask

there are splinters

buried deep all over

my tounge

time to spit the world out !

let me tell you some things

about myself:

i long

to get rid of all my friends


so i can wander the streets

of this city


see my heart

displayed in a thousand teletrons

around bunderan hi

its chambers of horrors

the girls ive abandoned in my life

slaving away in white night gowns

pumping pus

into my veins

i will watch them work

sipping tonkotsu broth

in the revolving restaurant of my heart

26 floors up

never closer to tian !


sorga di bumi

i will smile

thinking of how much

ive relied on the kindness of others

for my happiness

and how ive never replied

in kind.

this will not be a long story

no season 2 for the weak-willed !

my life is short

and theres been no glory

only a million firecrackers

in the puffy hands of little children

running amok in the pure black sky of my soul

thanks dave eggers !

ive learnt a lot from your verbal acrobatics

however much i despise

you and your mcsweeneys cohorts !

i will re-read couples

and fantasize about all the possible affairs

i could have with girlfriends

boyfriends wives

husbands of friends

and friends of friends

i will destroy my life

over and over again !

but it will be okay

because everything will be in my head

and in the teletrons

2100 meters below

i see no evidence

of alive brain stem

or the careful calculation

of which path to take

stopping by woods

on a snowy evening

where is the the ?

i hate you robert frost !

even your name is cold

and 2100 meters above sea level

a pair of bamboo chopsticks

feel as heavy as

a fatty smoker’s lung.

then i will take

the slowest elevator down

into the basement

of my petty



* the magnetic fields, ‘no one will ever love you’, i like singing this song to myself, especially these lines

2 thoughts on “where is the madness that you promise me, where is the dream for which ive paid dearly ?*

  1. i long to see how my parents dated eons ago
    how they spent their nights with friends
    their books, if any. movies, if any
    their love, could it be?

    the jungle, rivers, mountains, trees
    and everything that is green black and
    brown, to get them under my nails
    sucked them dry let myself sick
    to death, poisoned my soul

    and women. not enough of them,
    too many of them, how many
    would it take for a man to stop
    to stop and stop and stop
    and just

    light sabres to cut down the throats
    of whoever's in power now, of morons
    roaming the streets of whatever
    whenever where ever
    without sounding like
    a fuckin

    i long to see the future of me and my friends
    their families kids enemies troubles sadness
    happiness, mostly.

    or maybe i just want to live long enough
    to carry all those photographs
    i've collected, painfully,
    to show them to my friends' kids

    “hey, you know how your parents got that scar over there? its not motorcycle accident, its lover's quarrel, in my room no less. can you believe that, kid?”

    i long to open up extremely and yet sublimely
    but hey i guess not only the geekgirl but also me

    looking for a way to be a whole nothing but be

    i long to write some more but i guess opening up
    is a challenge to heavy for me. so i will just
    shut up.


  2. are we getting old, are we getting old?
    i keep feeling like a kid who never understands the world

    to my children i will share
    i slept with those men, yes, dear

    we were everything we could bother
    enemies, friends, lovers, strangers to one another

    i stole legends from inside their heads
    while we laid side by side on my bed

    but my friend, this girl
    she has the sweetest kiss

    love is so delicate
    you feel it today but keeping it will make you suffocate

    live for now
    who knows what'll happen tomorrow?

    when you fall in love, deary
    said i to my kiddy

    bring your lover
    you two come over

    i'll treat you liquor
    and give you rubbers i found in the corner

    between nicotine smokes i'll preach
    oh, darling, it does feel good, the touch

    passion is intoxicating
    yet it will die eventually one evening

    ready to love, ready to get your heart broken
    eager to make love, don't forget your protection

    you don't want anything you don't need from the person making love to you
    but then again what do i know

    the most important thing is to enjoy the game
    if you can't handle it don't ever play


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