kritisisme anyar

dialog sing asale soko blog favoritku iki (tulisan nang ngisor iki luwih iso dinikmati nang kono):

anggoro gunawan:

ing basa jawa, tembung kriya (kata kerja) iku ora kaya basa inggris sing nduwèni wektu. tembung turu, mbok saiki, wingi, sesuk, utawa kapan waè tetep “turu.” beda karo sleep, slept, sleep. wong jawa mataraman sing akrab karo unggah-ungguh basa, mbédaake tembung “turu”, “bobok”, “tilem”, lan “saré.” prakarané ya mung trap-trapan sing magepokan karo level. ukara gampangé, “sapa sira sapa ingsun.”

ing basa indonesia luwih prasaja maneh: “tidur.” tembung iki wis cukup bisa digunaaké kanggo kapan waé lan sapa waé. apa banjur basa iki sing paling apik amarga égalitèr? jaréné, basa nudhuhake bangsa. wong melayu (asliné basa indonesia) mbok menawa pancen égalitèr. wong-wong iku seneng ngulandara menyang ngendi-ngendi lan kondhang ing jagad pelayaran. mula ora anèh yen tembung-tembung sing magepokan karo segara akeh tinemu ing basa melayu: nakhkoda, galangan, lan buritan. aku ora ngerti tembung-tembung iki yen disalin menyang basa jawa. basa jawa luwih akrab karo ndonya tetanèn. seka wit klapa wae bisa diwedar akèh tembung. godhongé sing enom sinebut janur,sing tuwa dijenengi blarak, klapa sing isih cilik banget jenengé bluluk, rada gedhé diarani cengkir, lan kayuné disebut glugu.

basa inggris pancen luwih premana yen prakara kala (wektu), nanging ora premana ing detil cilik-cilik ngene iki. barang orang rinonce lan kapilah dadi perangan kang luwih cilik maneh. basa inggris, rumangsaku, luwih tepak kanggo sinau, ora kanggo pangrasa. basa inggris luwih ngandhelaké logika. tembung beauty/beautiful lan pretty bisa kanggo lanang-wadon, bisa uga kanggo kahanan kang éndah. coba panjenengan bandhingaké karo basa indonesia sing ana tampan, cantik, permai, elok, bagus lan indah. ing basa jawa, tembung iki bisa dadi gantheng, ayu, éndah, bagus, sulistya, lan cèkli.

sugih tembung iki magepokan karo budhaya liya sing mlebu. basa inggris klebu egois tumrap tembung-tembung seka basa liya, dadiné dadi kurang akèh tembung. déné basa indonesia akèh nyerep basa-basa liya (lokal, inggris, walanda, portugis, sanskrta, arab). basa jawa akèh njupuk tembung seka sanskrta, indonesia, walanda, lan arab.

mbiyèn aku sok maca cerkak (cerpen) basa jawa sing dijupuk seka sastrawan-sastrawan ndonya ing kalawarti (majalah) panjebar semangat. ing kono, paraga-paragané dadi katon béda. ana unggah-ungguh sing banjur katon lucu, nanging rumangsaku dadi nduwé daya linuwih. kaya déné nalika mikael nyoba njarwa tulisan jawaku iki dadi basa inggris. aku kaya nemoni yèn kuwi dadi tulisan sing naté tak tulis. tulisan kuwi dadi nduwé kaluwihan kanthi pangrasa kang béda, pangrasa basa inggris.

aku dadi kepikiran nyoba salin basa kangthi gagrag (versi) manéka warna. asliné dijupuk seka crita mahabharata, yajña sarpa. gagrag basa inggris siji waé, aku durung wasis lan durung mesthi bener.

hana sira ratu sang parîksit ngaran ira, anak sang abhimanyu patêmu-tangan lâwan sang uttarî pinakaçisya bhagawân krsna, paripûrna ring bahuweda.

(kawi)

ana ratu jenengé sang parikesit, anak sang abimanyu seka dhedhaupané karo sang utari, dadi murid begawan kresna, sampurna ing ngèlmu.
(jawa gagrag 1)

wonten raja kanthi aran sang parikesit, putra sang abimanyu saking dhedhaupanipun kaliyan sang utari, dados siswanipun begawan kresna, angrungkebi sadaya wéda.
(jawa gagrag 2)

ana raja jejuluk sang parikesit, putrané abimanyu lan utari, dadi siswané begawan kresna, sing nguwasani kanthi becik kabéh ngèlmu.
(jawa gagrag 3)

adalah raja yang bernama sang parikesit, putra sang abimanyu hasil perkawinanya dengan sang utari, menjadi murid begawan kresna, sempurna dalam banyak ilmu.
(basa indonesia gagrag 1)

ada raja bernama parikesit, anak abimanyu dan utari, berguru pada begawan kresna, menguasai banyak ilmu dengan baik.
(basa indonesia gagrag 2)

there was a king named parikesit, son of sang abimanyu and sang utari, student of begawan kresna, perfect in knowledge.
(basa inggris)

mekitron:

bar maca postingmu.

dadi kelingan geguritan iki:

The Crimson Cyclamen

(To the Memory of Charles Demuth)

White suffused with red
more rose than crimson
—all acolor
the petals flare back
from the stooping craters
of those flowers
as from a wind rising—
And though the light
that enfolds and pierces
them discovers blues
and yellows there also—
and crimson’s a dull word
beside such play—
yet the effect against
this winter where
they stand—is crimson—

It is miraculous
that flower should rise
by flower alike in loveliness—
as though mirrors
of some perfection
could never be
too often shown—
silence holds them—
in that space. And
color has been construed
from emptiness
to waken there—

But the form came gradually,
The plant was there
before the flowers
as always—the leaves,
day by day changing. In
September when the first
pink pointed bud still
bowed below, all the leaves
heart-shaped
were already spread—
quirked and green
and stenciled with a paler
green
irregularly
across and round the edge—

Upon each leaf it is
a pattern more
of logic than a purpose
links each part to the rest,
an abstraction
playfully following
centripetal
devices, as of pure thought—
the edge tying by
convergent, crazy rays
with the center—
where that dips
cupping down to the
upright stem—the source
that has splayed out
fanwise and returns
upon itself in the design
thus decoratively—

Such are the leaves
freakish, of the air
as thought is, of roots
dark, complex from
subterranean revolutions
and rank odors
waiting for the moon—
The young leaves
coming among the rest
are more crisp
and deeply cupped
the edges rising first
impatient of the slower
stem—the older
level, the oldest
with the edge already
fallen a little backward—
the stem alone
holding the form
stiffly a while longer—

Under the leaf, the same
though the smooth green
is gone. Now the ribbed
design—if not
the purpose, is explained.
The stem’s pink flanges,
strongly marked,
stand to the frail edge,
dividing, thinning
through the pink and downy
mesh—as the round stem
is pink also—cranking
to penciled lines
angularly deft
through all, to link together
the unnicked argument
to the last crinkled edge—
where the under and the over
meet and disappear
and the air alone begins
to go from them—
the conclusion left still
blunt, floating
if warped and quaintly flecked
whitened and streaked
resting
upon the tie of the stem—

But half hidden under them
such as they are
it begins that must
put thought to rest—

wakes in tinted beaks
still raising the head
and passion
is loosed—

its small lusts
addressed still to
the knees and to sleep—
abandoning argument

lifts
through the leaves
day by day
and one day opens!

The petals
the petals undone
loosen all five and
swing up

The flower
flows to release—

Fast within a ring
where the compact
agencies
of conception

lie mathematically
ranged
round the half-like sting—

From such a pit
the colour flows
over
a purple rim

upward to
the light! the light!
all around—
Five petals

as one
to flare, inverted
a full flower
each petal tortured

eccentrically
the while, warped edge
jostling
half-turned edge

side by side
until compact, tense
evenly stained
to the last fine edge

an ecstasy
from the empurpled ring
climbs up (though
firm there still)

each petal
by excess of tensions
in its own flesh
all rose- –

rose red
standing until it
bends backward
upon the rest, above,

answering
ecstasy with excess
all together
acrobatically

not as if bound
(though still bound)
but upright
as if they hung

from above
to the streams
with which
they are veined and glow –
the frail fruit
by its frailty supreme

opening in the tense moment
to no >bean
no completion
no root
no leaf and no stem
but color only and a form –

It is passion
earlier and later than thought
that rises above thought
at instant peril – peril
itself a flower
that lifts and draws it on –

Frailer than level thought
more convolute
rose red
highest
the soonest to wither
blacken
and fall upon itself
formless –

And the flowers
grow older and begin
to change, larger now
less tense, when at the full
relaxing, widening
the petals falling down
the color paling
through violaceous to
tinted white –

The structure of the petal
that was all red
beginning now to show
from a deep central vein
other finely scratched veins
dwindling to that edge
through which the light
more and more shows
fading through gradations
immeasurable to the eye –

The day rises and swifter
briefer
more frailly relaxed
than thought that still
holds good – the color
draws back while still
the flower grows
the rose of it nearly all lost
a darkness of dawning purple
paints a deeper afternoon –

The day passes
in a horizon of colors
all meeting
less severe in loneliness
the petals fallen now well back
till flower touched flower
all round
at the petal tips
merging into one flower

(puisi anggitane william carlos williams)

dadi (kowe ya mesti wis mbethek ta) kabeh tembung sing pancen bagian-bagian anatomi kembang tak keliri abang, tembung sing ra ana hubungane karo kembang tapi dijilih nggo nggambarake kembang iki kelire biru, lan tembung sing isih ana hubungane karo kembang utawa taneman tapi dudu bagian dari kembang iki tapi ya dijilih nggo nggambarake kembang mau kelire ijo.

tembung sing abang ana pitu, cyclamen, rose, petal/s, flower/s, leaf/ves. bud, stem, sing ijo ana telu, fruit, bean, root, lan sing biru ana rolas, edge/s, flanges, mesh, tie, beaks, head, ring, ring, sting, rim, flesh, vein/s/ed, tip.

lha karena geguritan iki sakjane ya mung tentang kembang siji thil (‘one flower’ neng baris terakhir) statistik neng dhuwur kuwi ketoke mendukung argumen neng postingmu nek basa inggris ‘ora premana ing detil cilik-cilik’. ming pitung tembung sing asli tentang kembang, siji jenenge sik sakjane ya latin, cyclamen, lan siji, rose, sakjane ya malah dudu bagian kembang kuwi tapi malah jeneng kembang liya sing digunakake nggo nggambarake abange kembang kuwi kaya piye. sakmentara tembung sing dijilih sangka njaba anatomine kembang yen sing biru ditambah karo sing ijo totale ana limolas. luwih saka dobel. malah nek rose karo cyclamen ra dianggep dadi tiga kali lipat. iki ketoke ya mendukung argumen beauty/beautiful/pretty-mu.

silih-menyilih ing basa inggris iki apa malah nggawe uwong2e dadi luwih kerep lan biasa mikir nganggo metafor, simile, lan sakpiturute?

kadang2 yen aku nerjemahke saka basa indonesia neng basa inggris ana tembung sing neng bahasa indonesiane wis jelas tapi nek tak basa inggriske secara harfiah, tembung per tembung, hasile basa inggris-e dadi krasa kurang kongkrit. contone iki:

menjelang petang
kuda-kuda pulang tanpa sais
keretanya koyak

(saka geguritane ida ayu oka suwati sideman – penyair favoritku saiki – judule duarawati, bisa diundhuh ing penyairbali.blogspot.com)

yen ‘koyak’ tak terjemahke dadi ‘all beaten up’ utawa nganggo kata sifat lain gambar sing ketok jelas neng tembung ‘koyak’ kuwi dadi ilang. terus piye? pertama tak pikir isa wae sak kalimat kuwi dadi misale kaya ngene ‘riderless horses drag chariots like carcasses’ (simile! nyilih tembung!), utawa, akhire (sing tak unggah ing blogku translationsof.blogspot.com) ‘horses are troting home, riderless / a spear in the back of a chariot’ (‘koyak’, kata sifat iki, tak ganti nganggo gambar (koyak-e mungkin kaya ngana kuwi, ketoke).

ngene iki rada sering terjadi. dadine rasane memang kaya sik mbok omongke ning postingmu kuwi. tembung2 basa indonesia (lan jawa) krasane luwih spesifik, utawa gambare wis kaya built-in (misale sepatu koyak, koyak-e ya sakjane padha wae karo koyak-e kereta mau, tapi yen tembung inggris ketoke (terutama kata sifat mungkin) gambare tergantung konteks utawa memang ra jelas (makane kelas2 creative writing, hemingway, stephen king, pada nganjurke aja kakehan nganggo kata sifat ta?)

tapi ya mungkin juga sakjane diksi basa inggrisku sakjane ya cekak. hahahahaha. utawa basa jawa lan indonesia tetep basa ibuku sehingga aku isa ngrasakke segala macam arti ‘koyak’ mau sementara tembung inggris-e tetep krasa ‘dingin’, isa dimengerti tapi ra pati isa dirasakke?

dadi tak pikir nerjemahke, apa meneh nerjemahke geguritan, sing penting ya nerjemahka gambar karo rasa/roso kuwi mau. tembung dadi nomer loro. apa malah telu? misale terjemahan2 ing postingmu kuwi dhewe, kenapa parikesit kadang2 anak abimanyu dan utari dan kadang2 anak hasil perkawinan abimanyu dan utari? kurasa kuwi mesti soale ya kuwi, kadang2 roso bahasa target-e (bahasa sik dinggo nerjemahke) mendikte kudu ngganggo ‘hasil perkawinan’ atau kadang2 ora. apa ana alasan liya?

conto meneh sing rada terkenal:

‘We were young. We have died.’ (Archibald McLeish, ‘The Young Dead Soldiers’)

‘Kami mati muda. Jang tinggal tulang diliputi debu.’ (Chairil Anwar, ‘Krawang-Bekasi’)

Lha iki malah Chairil-e sing mengkongkritkan gambare (kuwalikane kisahku karo IAO Suwati Sideman mau). Ya iki sih nek menurutku alasane simpel, Chairil penyair sing luwih apik tinimbang McLeish. Tapi ya kuwi mau, akhire sik diterjemahke (‘disadur’) Chairil adalah gambar lan rasane.

Dadi menurutku ‘pangrasa’ sik mbok omongke neng postingmu kuwi ora mung tergantung karo tembung lan bahasane, tapi uga sangat tergantung karo ‘pangrasa’ penerjemahe.

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