going against the grain

of my own happiness

not feeling A

but saying B

to please X

and my own fatamorgana of heaven

as it is on earth

yr crooked middle finger

love handles

jutting out of yr bargain-basement mondays

i luv yr thick ankles

and the way u kept talking

with indomie goreng

hanging off the corner of yr mouth

i dont know if this is A or B

but someone told me once

if you dont want people to understand what you mean

then why bother writing it down?

thanks ms Y.

à l’avant du château

ill think of u as the one that got away

plenty of fish n chips in the sea

but none like u

i wdve pursued u

in another life

to the end of the earth

and its myriad ramifications

but not now

when contentment

outraces happiness

yr quicksilver ankles

not made

for this sleepy régime ancien

not made for breaking up

a solid-state drive

for order

pantone 292 housing: post apocalyptic*

post pantone 292 apocalyptic housing

by lolipopsuper

di dunia pasca apokaliptik. oleholeh pun ku tak punya, hanya keringat sedikit dingin di tangan. aku tak sempat pula pakai deodoran. tak sempat sikat gigi. tak sempat mandi. tak sempat melatih teknik ciuman

batu asing laksana menhir. terpacak di perumahan masa kecil yang mati. semua pintu terbuka untuk diteduhi. sayang yang kuinjak bukan hanya tanah, tapi sudah terendam air sampai ke atas mata kaki.

aku tahu terasmu tinggal sepuluh depa di depan sana. aku akan hancurkan terasmu. bakar atap rumbiamu

bau kotoran binatang bercampur dengan wangi kopi yang mendidih. kemarin cicak jatuh dari langitlangit kamar. ekornya putus. apakah ini pertanda sesuatu ?

aku tak mau lagi bawa lentera. masih ada api. apakah ini pertanda sesuatu ?

di selatan ada jalanan yang abadi dan di utara ada sepetak keutamaan. jalan seperti awan. mata pun kupejamkan. pohonpohon tinggal perasaan. berputar di sebuah pincuran. aku seperti perenang buta. bernama nirwan. berwarna asalasalan.

dan di sini tidak ada lagi kemarahan. hanya ada damai karena hati yang dingin tersiram sisa hujan.  biar kita berdua moksa ke dalam pilu.

ada penjaga yang masih setia. yakin akan akurasi GPS-ku ke arah hatimu.

*edophilia vs. oomslokop by DJ lolipopsuper 

hem

«Sometimes I think honesty is a technique, you know, Hemingway always talked about it, though he used the word «truthfully» instead—I don’t think he ever wrote «honestly», for obvious reasons, not to write anything «ghastly» like Orwell said could’ve been one, maybe not, Hem would never have listened to Georgie O.—but it’s such and integral part of the early career of a writer … well, really, of his life before he started his career as a writer—I think when you aspire to be a writer you start out just wanting to be honest—and I don’t think you can start up a head of steam unless you’re at least a little honest about yourself—that once you’ve got the career and you get very good at it, at all the different permutations of honesty, at telling it straight, or telling it circuitously to get at a bigger truth, at lying … you don’t wanna go back, you distrust those feelings now, you think maybe you were just drinking too much coffee to stop yourself from going hungry. «Hunger was good discipline?» Where’s the beef? You know, now you think honesty was just that, being really really hungry and not being able to afford a hot lunch.»

me circa 2007.

indonesian chicken ay

clean spring onions

remove dirt

more dirt the better

the fresher

the stalks will be slimy

remove skin that looks dead

worry not about the slime

take the chicken out of the fridge

flesh will be cold

chicken grosses me out

put on a plate

sprinkle with one teaspoon salt one teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

which you should have ground before you get your hands all dirty

with approximation of toil

rub the salt and pepper all over the chicken

chicken wings pieces are the best

you should also have chopped the spring onions and cloves of garlic

how many cloves depend on the eclipse of your heart

total or partial

fry the chicken with the garlic

some people urge wok

i prefer a green pan

or cast iron deep dish

if you’ve got deep pockets

till just brown

add the spring onions

leave some for decoration when all is done

a teaspoon of sugar

two tablespoons of kecap manis

brand of your choice

or more tablespoons

as you wish

and terasi diluted in two tablespoons of hot water from your aqua dispenser

i just found out that all terasi comes from sidoarjo

at least on my carrefour’s shelves

add a bit of water

people say add water later but i don’t trust people

bring to simmer

cover

set your timer to 30 minutes but don’t trust it

keep checking and turn the chicken over

try to prevent the skin from getting stuck to the bottom of the pan

use metal spatula

wooden ones will break the skin and flesh

you don’t want to break skin or flesh

maybe check every seven minutes

not too often so you don’t lose heat every time you take off the cover

but that depends on how anal you are

everything depends on how anal you are

things will caramelize nicely when you play nice

like everything in life

when you play nice

take the chicken out of the wok/green pan/cast iron dish you anglophile

put them on a nice plate

your everyday best

don’t lose any of the juice

sprinkle with the leftover spring onions

tuck in

with your hand

and lukewarm white rice

which you should have prepped beforehand

like everything else in life

index to first lines of the penguin book of modern american verse, selected with an introduction and notes by geoffrey moore, h-m

here lies a lady of beauty and high degree

here where the wind is always north-north-east

he stroked the cats on account of a specific cause

i am riding on a limited express, one of the crack trains of the nation

i do not know much about gods

i hate my verses, every line, every word

i have fallen in love with american names

i have known the inexorable sadness of pencils

i love the locust tree

i must be mad, or very tired

i should have thought

i, too, dislike it:

like a skein of loose silk blown against a wall

my sweet old etcetera

sakit hati

minggu dini hari.

stadium.

neken di rumah.

–

setengah enam pagi (masih minggu).

bubur kamseng.

plain bubur, ayam rebus, telur pitan, broccoli garlic, chinese tea.

back to hotel. basian.

setengah sepuluh.

lapo ni tondongta, lapangan tembak senayan (mengejar goreng pertama sebelum dibikin inang-inang hkbp).

sangsang, panggang, goreng, kuah sop, sayur, susu horbo putih, teh botol dingin.

back to hotel. skip skip. sleep.

satu siang.

trio.

babi panggang, kodok mentega, mie goreng polos, kailan.

enzyplex.

kedai kuo tieh, pasar gloria.

kuo tieh, bir bintang besar dingin.

nongkrong aja dulu.

jam tujuh malam.

surya benhil.

hidang. gule korma. (di kulkas dari hari jumat.)