JAKARTA OVERSLUT


 

20.30. Di
film-film Usmar Ismail orang menyebutnya Metropole. Membeli tiket seringgit dari
calo pelit di ujung tangga. Yang sekarang bertegel merah bata.

 

Karcis kertas
minyak kuning tanpa judul. Nomor kursi ditulis tangan, hampir tak terbaca.

 

Pintu teater 6
telah dibuka. Masuklah kami ke teater 4.

 

Rol film terbakar
di layar. Lihat lantainya, bagaimana bisa sekotor itu? Bau popcorn seperti
kopet, minyak rambut di sandaran kepala, sabun Lux.

 

Bagaimana? Aku
cukup suka. Aku juga. Ceritanya bagus. Ya.

 

Mohon Maaf
Gangguan Tehnik.

 

So they’re gay,
right? The whole lot of ‘em. Anul Ayam’s got bruises on her arms. I hope
they’re real.

 

Hehe. This is
just an ordinary night at Heaven.

 

Mohon Maaf
Gangguan Tehnik.

 

Kenapa harus ada
ular itu? Iiik. Mungkin a symbol of evil. Penari ular? Ya ya. Itu lebih tepat.
Aku tak berpikir sampai ke situ.

 

Dan dia
mendongeng Timun Mas memakai rekaman suaranya di tape recorder kecil buat kuli
tinta. Simbol alienasi dengan anaknya? Bukan, itu adiknya. Kau tahu dari mana?
Cerita Timun Mas itu bagaimana?

 

Kameranya dingin
ya? Seperti tak peduli waktu perempuan itu tegang gelisah di bangku belakang
taksi. Kenapa harus selalu Taxicab? Supir mereka tak pernah punya kembalian.
Supaya kau tak perlu membedakannya dengan New York. Jualan festival.

 

Mohon Maaf
Gangguan Tehnik.

 

Hu. Huuuuu.

 

Hahaha. Kau suka
ya nonton di sini. Ada rasa kekeluargaan di antara kita. Seperti kau bilang,
orang-orang di sini lain. Tidak, aku bilang aneh.

 

Ini adalah
ide-ide yang meledak keluar di kamar-kamar hotel melati di Pusan, Tribeca, off
off off Broadway. Living an action-packed life does make you cleverer.

 

Ini sih sama
sekali tak mirip dengan bukunya. Ya. Untung.

 

Dari membuat film
tentang tempat ini kau jadi lebih tahu tentang tempat ini?

 

Kejar-kejaran ini
sudah terlalu lama. Ya. Aku sudah lupa kenapa. Kenapa tak ke polisi saja?
Kenapa mereka harus selalu lari ke tempat yang sepi tak ada siapa-siapa? Aku
akan lari ke mal. Plasenta. Foodcourt lantai tiga.

 

Alasan untuk
gambar-gambar indah tentang tempat ini saja.

 

Ya: “Bayang pecah
di kubangan / tiang jatuh bertumbangan”

Atau: “Bagaimana
mereka bisa ketemu tempat untuk bikin homage Vertigo itu?

 

Dia bilang apa
tadi? Di kota ini apa? Di kota ini tidak ada yang benar-benar menang atau
benar-benar kalah. Oh.

 

Pada akhirnya
mereka semua hanya ingin ngomong sesuatu tentang tempat ini ya. Itu kenapa
mereka sering lupa dengan manusia-manusia di dalamnya.

 

That’s what I
liked about Ekskul. It was just about that boy. That’s why I cried. So did I.

 

Yeh. I don’t
remember the dialogues in Eliana-Eliana. Something about going back to Padang? At
least that one didn’t try t’put too much action in. Or any.

 

Hasn’t been that
many thrillers recently, though. Crime-y ones like this. Mendadak Dangdut was a
comedy. A lot of running in that one too.

 

But when she said
that, no one really wins or loses in this city, how did that happen? Tak ada
yang membawamu ke situ ya. No! Nothing, See, the whole thing is just about this
place really. These characters are forgotten toy soldiers.

 

Lest we. Haha.

 

You know I wonder
if this story is set anywhere else, am I gonna be even half as interested?

 

They just HAD to
put that last line in didn’t they?

 

“Tidak ada yang
benar-benar menang atau kalah.” Blah. It’s so, didactic. People lose all the
time. People get pushed over. People suffer and die.

 

It’s so syrupy.

 

Sentimentil.

 

Maybe it’s
ironic. Her transvestite friends all died. 

 

I’m just jealous.

 

Did you see that
pregnant girl next to me barfing into her popcorn box?

The World is a Different Place When You Look Up

I like James Laughlin
because he’d keep at a poem
keep keeping at it
only stopping when, *Applause*,
until, *More applause*,
it gave out on him.
He didn’t hold anything back
didn’t keep anything for, “Later …”
He floated the whole of his iceberg.
He wrote mediocre poems because all that.
But I like him
because I wanna get at the truth too
and an iceberg will just hold me down in any case.

“often we pay homage to appropriate moral sentiments while our real feelings drift elsewhere.”

then what do you remember?

the uncut elephant grass in your backyard?

how it made you see green

when i let you fondle my breasts?

white as winter.

“they’re so white they’re blue,” you said.

or maybe it was someone else who said.

when it comes to memories

mammaries

things are as slippery as, you’ve guessed it,

newly cut grass.

how did i make my wimple?

carton ripped out of a birthday cake box

snowman round tip permanent marker—rouge (vor kindern sicher aufbewahren!—did they mean the places I frequent?)

and a little bit of that je ne sais quoi, mon amour.

in the morning the floor was caked

with processed flour, dirt, and blood from your cut lip.

we kept the faith

as we promised

we did

—but no one saw it.

SEMENTARA BIARLAH BEGINI

the koran on the floor covers up vomit that leaks out of the serrated edges of the paper like, what, ya, what, blood running down the small channel for the blood of the sacrificed lambs in the temple mount.

in the b.c. days. in the a.d. version of the last tempation of christ. i don’t believe in willem dafoe as jesus.

and the blood sounds fake as it trickles down into a square hole in the ground. kricik, kricik.

i’m a man and i make big important statements about the state of the world.

which reminds me, i’ve got nothing big or important to say about/of/to the world.

that is because i know nothing about the state of my heart.

that is why i easily get sentimental like that.

“sentimentality is a failure of feeling”

it’s a failure of peeling

the onion skin of your ‘art.

pecundangkal.

do you read the ‘pecundang’

or the ‘pecun dangkal’

or the missing entry from eko endarmoko’s tesaurus bahasa indonesia, ‘pecundangkal’?

i often imagine this scene: eko, hasif, nirwan, gm, laksmi

le dernier diner aux café TUK

then jove would ask: does anyone know the indonesian word for ‘imagined’?

and EVERYONE would raise their hands.

bastards.

do you remember when we went to the strip bar

a black ACE umbrella did a headstand on its plastic tip

and you said: it’s easier to peel the apple skin of your art?

LINNER KILES

“you don’t have the decency to change the sheets”

“walau kamu / tak semancung / gunung-gunung di belahan bumi pertiwi”

“i know it isn’t real love / that you see in her eyes / ’cause she’s never / met a man she didn’t like”

“i’m tired of living like an eskimo!”

“just before our love got lost, you said / i am as constant as a northern star, and i said / constantly in the darkness? where’s that at?”

“that brutality and the economy are related now I understand”

“enam hari berseragam / rambutku t’lah mereka hancurkan”

“i don’t need to be the king of the world / as long as i’m the hero of this little girl”

“i don’t need to be a superman / as long as you will always be my biggest fan”

“yousufferanddie!”

“i guess i should’ve known / by the way you park your car sideways / that it wouldn’t last”

“o ibu aku tadi dapat surat / dari seorang pemuda sebelah rumah / kertas kosong hanya terlukis / gambar hati ditusuk panah”

“no one will ever love you honestly / no one will ever love you for your honesty”

“i’m crazy for you but not that crazy”

“home was anywhere with diesel gas / love was a trucker’s hand”

“i feel like hell / you feel like dancing”

“i could dress in black and read camus / smoke clove cigarettes and drink vermouth / like i was 17 / that would be a scream”

“the injuns want their land back / what’s for trade? a teepee? / i’ll bet your wampum your hairstyle is out”

“it’s irrelevant / i’m an elephant / she’s a mouse”

“i feel the pain of everyone / then i feel nothing”

“we’re not gonna take it, no!, we ain’t gonna take it!”

“sebelum fatahillah / ada baiknya berputar arah”

“aku / cinta / J.A.K. / A.R.T.A!”

“pass the word / the chicks are back”

“jadikan aku yang kedua / buatlah diriku bahagya”

“he hasn’t dropped them / forgot them / or anything / it’s just too heavy / for superman / to lift”

“my fist / your face”

who? what about you? etc.




W.

di pulau itu langit tidak biru

dan matahari adalah cahaya lambat di pucuk karang.

warna yang tersisa hanya oranye rompi penyelamat

dan jambon tripang di pasir pucat.

terumbu pun terbelah dua

dan dermaga terserak bersama kaleng coca-cola.

di sumur hangat kau kail air putih tuak

dengan ember hitam dan seutas tambang.

angin diam

bakau seperti mengambang.

tengah hari pun turun di pusar kepala

membunuh bayang di tepi ohuna.

– untuk b, h, a, u, dan sepucuk ujung nusantara