white heart lane

its nice now i havent got someone to get really angry with

not having to rack my brain thinking obsessing why did she do that why did she say that why did she

cos theres no she

no more

its nice now im not angry all the time

my mind is clear

like the idea of air

i love people

friends, families, humanity almost

sometimes it hurts though

when i go home in the early morning

and on the way i fantasize my friends will open the gate of my house for me

well drink a bit of tea

then we continue talking about the things we had just talked about 30 minutes ago

before i said ‘ive gotta go’

—no i dont know whats so gotta about gotta, i never even want to go—

and when i get there

they werent there

of course

they were just my friends

theyve got no business magic spraying the pain of my loneliness

theyre not in the medical team of my first XI

—in the premier league of my own stupidity—

theyre not my assistant coaches

they dont dress in tracksuits

cos they dont feel cold standing in the touchline of this

LIFE

unlike i

i love them

but theyre not here

theyre never here

never will be

i love them

i should love them less

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