its nice now i havent got someone to get really angry with
not having to rack my brain thinking obsessing why did she do that why did she say that why did she
cos theres no she
no more
its nice now im not angry all the time
my mind is clear
like the idea of air
i love people
friends, families, humanity almost
sometimes it hurts though
when i go home in the early morning
and on the way i fantasize my friends will open the gate of my house for me
well drink a bit of tea
then we continue talking about the things we had just talked about 30 minutes ago
before i said ‘ive gotta go’
—no i dont know whats so gotta about gotta, i never even want to go—
and when i get there
they werent there
of course
they were just my friends
theyve got no business magic spraying the pain of my loneliness
theyre not in the medical team of my first XI
—in the premier league of my own stupidity—
theyre not my assistant coaches
they dont dress in tracksuits
cos they dont feel cold standing in the touchline of this
LIFE
unlike i
i love them
but theyre not here
theyre never here
never will be
i love them
i should love them less
Divagyrations 