its like there arent any sales and u still run out of the things u really want

the hardest thing when you start up another secret blog is deciding on what tone to use. because the tone is yr life. and yr life is the life of the blog. thats why its nice when someone asks u to blog and they decide on the theme, readers, register of language to use. life is easier. when no ones there to help u there are things u can do by yrself. like imagining that youre writing the blog for or to someone in particular. a muse. an ex-girlfriend. a future one. a secret one. or u can just follow the letters as theyre released by the tip of yr fingers. u never know.

when u start a secret blog because uve fallen in love, again, neck deep in illicit, forbidden, current girlfriend-hurting love, u start it because u want to get found out. ull start telling people, perhaps not yr current girlfriend straight away, but close enough. someone u know she knows u know. say.

its just that when she told me ‘so even shes just an idea huh?’ (my girlfriend in one

of my poems) what she said sticks. im suspicious of things that stick.

scarletts in love with an idea. and it doesnt matter. perhaps it doesnt matter that i

fall in love with the ideas of love. my ideal ideas of love. if i can keep falling in love

and never run out of ideas.

but with her i was afraid, she seemed so real. less so now that ive

reared myself off her.

perhaps ive missed my one chance at true happiness. but that doesnt matter.

ill get other chances to make another one up.

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