Scholarships to the Harvard University School of Native Orientalists – Eligibility Requirements

Preference will be given to applicants who serve as sycophants at the Goenawan Mohamad Academy of Other Unfinished Things otherwise known as Komunitas Utan Kayu, Jakarta. Applicants will possess:

  • No degree, but absolute faith in Bernard Lewis
  • Disgust at own country or whatever the antonym is of chauvinism
  • A total lack of understanding of international cultures and a penchant to refer to selves as “the other” or “liyan” when it comes to dissecting own cultures
  • Demonstrated commitment to besmirching the name of Islam at every opportunity (or even if there isn’t one, just go loco)
  • A willingness to be a native informant for geriatric white academics in Ivy League universities upon completion of the Native Orientalists program
  • Rudimentary grasp of the English language (doesn’t matter, it’s cuter that way)

Please return to the Harvard University School of Native Orientalists your application package by the application deadline, or later – doesn’t matter, we know everything about your “jam karet” – that includes:

  • Incomplete application form. Don’t worry, we don’t expect you to know the difference between “scholastic” and “spastic”, or more pertinently (sorry, big word, ya J), between “eligibility” and “intelligibility” . This includes a badly written and overlong, verbose study objective full of purple prose (a la Goenawan Mohamad).
  • Copy of your most recent Madrasah Ibtidaiyah (Sore) score report.
  • One letter of reference, either from your Kyai or any of the following: Nirwan Dewanto, Sitok Srengenge, Jantung Lebah Ratu, or, of course, Goenawan Mohamad.
  • Copy of academic transcript (if any, in English translation if you wish, but Arab Gundul is preferred).
  • Copy of identity document (with photos, so we can be absolutely sure that you’re not actually Saut Situmorang).

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